I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
