I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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