is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
