I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
