I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
