i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
