Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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