Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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