dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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