I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
