Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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