I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
