i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
