I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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