Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
