Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
