What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
