giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
