can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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