so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I didn't notice because vodka
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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