We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
