my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
