Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
