9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We have started to decorate penises.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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