I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
