i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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