sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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