There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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