They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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