You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
