no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize