Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
