I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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