I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
