i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
