I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
