also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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