I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
