You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
