Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
