By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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