I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
