Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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