you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize