I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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