You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm always down for nudity.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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