1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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