it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
