What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
