I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
