its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
