My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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