The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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