Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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