i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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