I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
