I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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