I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
