Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
