You're my little dorito
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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