Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
