we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
