You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
