real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
