At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
