I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
