They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
