i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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