I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I will pee on everything he values.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
