Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
