If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
