WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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