someone owes me an orgasm
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Bring me that man meat
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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