I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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