mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
