Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
