I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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