Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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