I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
