Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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