i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
