I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
