I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
