..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
