i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
