We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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